Heart's Desire
by RLD Flame-point Callie-co
Summary: Short story set after 5x07, in which Bo's oracle visions and breakup with Tamsin cause her to reevaluate some of her recent decisions. She thought she and Lauren would get back together after their night in the clinic, but if Lauren is truly her heart's desire, why did the oracles show her Dyson first?
1. Reflections and Realizations

**Disclaimer: I don't own Lost Girl, obviously.**

 **So, the other day I was diligently working on the stories I've been trying to finish forever when, to my horror, my computer got infected with a virus and became unusable, causing me to lose all my work. The good news is that it can be repaired and all data restored, but it'll take a few days, so in the meantime I decided to crank out this little two-part short story.**

 **Just to be clear, since this is my first foray into the Lost Girl fandom, I ship Bo/Dyson, so if you prefer Doccubus or Valkubus, you might want to hit the 'back' button right now and find something else to read.**

 _Well, that could've gone better,_ Bo thought as she watched Tamsin storm out. Telling someone who loved you that you didn't return their feelings was never easy or fun, but she really wished the awkward conversation she'd just been forced to have with Tamsin hadn't ended with the valkyrie running away in tears. _Maybe if I'd said something different, found a better way of handling it…_

As she replayed their breakup in her head, though, she realized it had gone about as well as it possibly could – Tamsin had decided they were a couple, managing in the process to blind herself to all the subtle and not-so-subtle signals that that wasn't what Bo wanted, and that was always going to end badly. The only thing Bo could've done differently that might have really helped was to make it clear from the start that they were just friends with benefits so Tamsin couldn't delude herself about the extent of Bo's interest and attraction to her.

 _So why didn't I do that?_ the succubus asked herself. True, she had tried not to respond in any way that could be considered overtly encouraging when Tamsin flirted with her…until the night of her birthday, when the blonde stepped up her efforts by literally giftwrapping herself for Bo. Rebuffing her at that point would have had serious repercussions; she would've been hurt and angry and might even have left like she did tonight, and Bo didn't think she could handle anyone else leaving her after Kenzi…

Least of all Tamsin, who had done more than anyone else to fill the hole Kenzi's departure had left in Bo's life. As she had noted earlier, she and Tamsin had been living together and taking cases together, and basically doing all the things she used to do with Kenzi, which lessened the pain of her best friend's absence a little. _Holy fae, did I really sleep with Tamsin because I was desperate to hang onto my Kenzi substitute?_

Bo sank onto her couch, feeling like she'd been punched in the gut. She didn't want to believe she could be insensitive enough to give Tamsin false hope so she could continue using her to satisfy her own emotional needs, or pathetic enough to sleep with someone just because she was afraid they wouldn't be her friend anymore if she didn't, but the more she thought, really _thought_ about her recent actions, the more it seemed like that was exactly what she'd done. And even after all that, she'd still pushed Tamsin away in the end, just like she'd alienated Kenzi.

She stopped that train of thought in its tracks; she'd already spent enough time agonizing over her failure to be there when Kenzi needed her most and vowing to do better if the human girl ever came back and gave her a chance to make it up to her. As for Tamsin, Bo wasn't sure if she could fix their friendship; she might have screwed that up irreparably, but it was done now, and even though she was sorry she had hurt Tamsin, she didn't regret breaking up with her. Having entered into that relationship for all the wrong reasons, she had finally realized it couldn't go on any longer, especially not now that she and Lauren were on their way to getting back together.

It had been rather sudden – one minute Bo was expressing her frustration with Lauren working to make Evony fae again (what was the point of turning the evil bitch human if she was just going to turn around and undo it?) and the next, after Lauren revealed her real reason for being at the clinic, Bo had been so relieved to know she wasn't losing Lauren to the dark side after all that she hadn't thought twice about falling back into the doctor's arms.

Of course, she didn't expect rekindling their romance to be a totally smooth ride; a slight frown crossed her face as she remembered all the issues that had come between them when they tried dating before. Now that Bo was in thinking mode, it occurred to her that those issues hadn't gone away – Lauren's human chi still wasn't enough to sustain her, making true monogamy impossible, she still couldn't guarantee that she'd always be able to make Lauren her first priority since her life was just as chaotic as ever, they still had almost no common interests, and now, on top of all that, there was the whole Karen Beattie thing that Lauren still hadn't fully explained; her words in the lab about how people had died because of her were vague at best, and the situation hadn't allowed for any further discussion – so maybe the chances that it would be different if they tried again weren't great.

Still, Lauren was her true love, wasn't she? Even the all-knowing oracles said so; Trick had told her how oracles appeared as whoever their target's heart most desired, and when they visited Bo they took on Lauren's form…

…And Dyson's. Her pensive frown deepened as she recalled her vision. Why had Dyson been part of it? And the things he'd said… _"There's a reason you chose me first. Everything we've been through, everything we've sacrificed – that was love. It doesn't go away."_

That was true; despite all the times she had recited her 'no feelings' mantra as they tore each other's clothes off, almost like she was trying to convince herself as well as him, Bo had to admit that she did still feel something for the wolf. She had told herself over and over that it was just platonic love until she finally believed it, but now she wasn't so sure. Platonic love wouldn't qualify him as one of the people her heart most desired, would it?

Bo didn't think so because, platonically speaking, there was no one she loved more than Kenzi, so if the oracles would appear as someone she only loved as a friend, then Kenzi should've been in there somewhere. Then there were all those little moments that, if she'd paid attention, might have given her a hint – the most recent example being how, when Mark first showed up, she found him irresistible until she put her finger on the similarities between him and Dyson, after which her attraction to the obnoxious teen shifter disappeared, proving she was never into Mark himself. She only liked him because he reminded her of Dyson. That incident had actually caused her to think back to the time when she thought he was the one, only for Tamsin to persuade her that they were better as friends…except Tamsin wasn't exactly an unbiased observer when it came to Bo's love life, so she probably should have taken her advice with a grain of salt.

 _Okay, so maybe I'm not as over Dyson as I thought. The question is, what am I going to do about it?_ A lead weight seemed to drop into her stomach as she realized that, even though acknowledging these feelings would definitely complicate things, she couldn't just sweep them under the rug. Lauren's Dyson-related insecurities had been a major problem for her and Bo last time, so trying to restart their relationship when she couldn't honestly assure the doctor that she had absolutely no interest in Dyson anymore wouldn't be fair to Lauren, or to herself.

She decided the first step was to clear the air with Dyson, because she needed to know how he felt about her before she could figure out where to go from here. For all she knew, _he_ might have moved on to thinking of her as just a friend he occasionally slept with, and if he had, there was no reason to pursue this any further; she would go back to Lauren and never let another romantic thought about him fight its way out of her subconscious. But if he hadn't… What would she do then?

Bo stood up with an exasperated huff; it was late, and she was so tired that all she wanted to do was crawl into bed, but she doubted she'd be able to sleep until she had sorted this out. She went outside, got into her car, and started driving toward Dyson's place.

 **Well, that's that. I plan to do one more chapter in which Bo confronts Dyson and they compare notes on their oracle visions, and hopefully by then my computer will be fixed.**


	2. Revelations and Reconciliations

All the lights were off when Bo arrived, but that didn't deter her; she'd been inside Dyson's home often enough that she could easily find her way around in the dark. She headed straight for the bed and was just about to wake him up when a shaft of moonlight filtered in through the window and she saw that the lump under the covers wasn't Dyson – it was some woman. Bo snatched her hand back as if she'd been stung. _There was another woman in Dyson's bed!_ Okay, so he wasn't in there with her, which was weird, but still, it suddenly felt like coming here had been a very bad idea. Forget confronting him about the visions; all Bo wanted at the moment was to get out of there.

Unfortunately, Dyson's wolfish senses were too sharp for her to creep out undetected; she had barely made it out of his bedroom when he appeared out of the living area/defunct boxing gym, putting a stop to her stealthy exit. "Bo? What are you doing here at this hour?" He was a little wary considering that the last time Bo dropped in unexpectedly it wasn't really her, but at least this time she smelled right.

"Ah...would you believe I just needed to borrow a cup of sugar?"

Dyson crossed his arms over his muscular chest - _Why the hell didn't I wait and do this in the daytime, when he'd be wearing more than a pair of pajama pants?_ Bo wondered. _This is definitely the kind of conversation that requires clothing!_ \- indicating that he would believe no such thing.

"All right, I came to talk to you. I didn't know you had company." Cringing at how much like a jealous ex she sounded, she hurried to add, "It's fine - I was just surprised since I didn't know you were seeing anyone."

"I'm not. Hera took Alicia's husband as his vessel, and he attacked her earlier during the blackout. I brought her here to keep her safe."

"Oh," Bo said lamely, feeling rather foolish.

"So what did you want to talk about?"

"Oh, that. I had a run-in with some oracles tonight, and Trick told me you did too. He also told me how they take the form of whoever your heart most desires. So...who'd you see?"

Dyson raised his eyebrows; he wouldn't have thought she'd need to ask. "You first. I know you're with Tamsin now - at least that's what she keeps saying - but you don't seem as enthusiastic about her as she is about you."

"Yeah, um..." Bo shifted uncomfortably. "I didn't see Tamsin. I ended it with her, actually; it's a long story, but basically I realized I couldn't give her what she wanted and it was wrong of me to keep leading her on."

"You must have seen Lauren then," he said with a complete lack of surprise.

"Well yeah, I did, but the thing is..." She hesitated briefly before mustering her courage and plunging ahead. "...I saw you too. The oracles appeared as you first and then turned into her. And while they were you, they said all this stuff about how what we had was real love and those feelings don't go away." Her voice was barely above a whisper by the time she finished, but he still heard every word. "That seems like the kind of thing we should talk about...unless the oracles told you something different. Will you tell me who you saw now?"

"It was you, of course. It's always been you." He had intended to keep that to himself, but since she'd brought it up, and even confessed that he still ranked as at least one of her heart's desires, he figured he might as well lay it all on the line. "They said you still think about me-"

"Clearly, I do."

"They also said you couldn't be with me right now. I get it, Bo - whatever you feel for me, I know you love Lauren too, and she isn't going to be around as long as I am. I understand if you want to be with her while you can."

Bo drew in a deep breath, then slowly let it out. "Yeah, I...I've tried not to think what her being mortal means for us, but it makes sense that it could've affected my choices on some level... I didn't really think about your feelings in all this, though. Would you really wait that long for me?"

"Wolves mate for life, Bo. I'll always love you, but most of all I want you to be happy, and if you're happier with someone else, I won't stand in your way."

"There you go again with the noble, self-sacrificing routine," she huffed.

"Well, if you want less chivalry, I could say I won't exactly enjoy seeing you and Lauren together for the next sixty years, knowing if you ever come back to me it'll only be because she isn't around anymore."

"Tell me about it - I felt the same way watching her with Nadia, knowing that when we were both there she chose Nadia over me. I'm pretty sure they would have stayed together too, if Nadia hadn't died; at least I never saw any signs of them breaking up. It sucked realizing I was Lauren's second choice."

"But you took her back anyway. That's what I don't understand - I know it hurt when the Norn took my love for you, but you know I didn't mean for that to happen. I would never deliberately do anything to cause you pain. Lauren and I may be getting along better these days, and I don't resent her like I used to, but I can't help noticing that she _chose_ to leave you and keep things from you, and still she gets a free pass for everything. Why is that? I thought you wanted honesty in a relationship; when we were together, you told me how important it was that we didn't keep secrets from each other. That's what made me realize it was time for me and Trick to come clean about Aife."

Bo nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I know Lauren hasn't been very forthcoming, and we don't talk as much as I'd like - every time we try, we usually end up getting...distracted." Almost as if they were using sex, the one area where they were undeniably very good together, to avoid facing their problems and convince themselves that their excellent physical chemistry meant they had a solid relationship.

"At least she was there, though," Bo went on, determined not to let her latest discomfiting realization sidetrack her before she'd made her point. "I never had to question whether she wanted me once Nadia was out of the picture, but you... I had to find out you had your love back from _Kenzi_ , who told me _you_ asked her not to say anything!"

"There was just too much going on - first the Garuda, then the Hecuba investigation so soon after that - and I didn't want to distract you. Then after Hecuba, you chose Lauren-" His explanation got cut off there by Bo's fist slamming into his jaw.

"Not wanting to distract me is a lousy excuse," she growled. "As far as me 'choosing' Lauren, did it ever occur to you that it wasn't much of a choice when it looked like she was my only option? Who knows, things might have been different if I'd known you loved me. When I did finally find out, of course I wasn't going to immediately dump her for you, because that'd be a shitty thing to do, and I appreciated you respecting my decision. But then after Lauren and I broke up, you didn't fight to get me back; even when we started sleeping together, you never argued when I said there were no feelings involved, and I didn't know if having your ability to love back meant you loved _me_ again or if your heart had some kind of reset button."

"Reset button?" Dyson scoffed.

"Well, you weren't acting like you were all that interested anymore," Bo said, throwing her hands up in exasperation. "So what do you have to say for yourself?"

"I guess the first thing I should say is that I'm sorry. I should have told you, it's just that...I know I seemed cold and distant when my heart was gone, but I saw how much you were hurting. I saw how hard it was for you to let go and start thinking of me just as a friend, and after all that, I couldn't expect you to just go back to the way things were before. I wasn't sure if it was fair to even ask you to try, and I didn't want you to feel like you owed me anything." She opened her mouth to jump in with a comment, but he held his hand up, reminding her that she'd had her say and it was his turn to talk now. "Later on, I didn't fight for you because I didn't think you wanted me to; you and Lauren may not have been together but I could tell you weren't over her. I'm not sure you ever will be."

"Me either - the oracles even said that as long as Lauren and I are alive, we can't not be together."

"And?" Dyson asked curiously.

Bo blinked. "What do you mean, 'and'?"

"Well, you mentioned that when the oracles appeared as me they reminded you of everything we've been through together, all the sacrifices we've made for each other, so they must have said something along the same lines about why your heart desires Lauren too, right? I mean, just saying you should be with someone because you can't _not_ be with them isn't a very good reason. Actually, it's not a reason at all."

"You're right, it isn't...but, uh, the oracles didn't say anything more about her. That doesn't mean there aren't reasons, though! She's so smart - a lot of our cases wouldn't have gotten solved if it wasn't for her, and when I first came into the fae world, she was the one who helped me learn what it meant to be a succubus, and control it. Even you couldn't do that for me, Dyson. I loved that I could be with you without worrying about killing you, but you couldn't help me with not killing in the first place. Being with Lauren made me feel normal."

As she listed her reasons for wanting to be with Lauren, however, Bo found herself wondering for the first time if they truly were good ones. Yes, Lauren's intelligence was an admirable quality, but it didn't necessarily make her compatible with Bo; in fact it was a bit of a hindrance in that area, since Bo couldn't grasp the obscure concepts that fascinated Lauren, and most of her interests were too low-brow for the brilliant scientist. She would always be grateful for Lauren's help in mastering her fae powers, but she had long since moved past the stage where she depended on her for that - and was gratitude really a good enough reason to stay with her after all the secrecy and betrayals of trust?

As for her making Bo feel normal, did she even want that anymore? She recalled with painful clarity a time when she would have given almost anything to be cured of the freakishness that caused people to drop dead after sleeping with her, but now that such a 'cure' existed, it had never once occurred to her to ask Lauren to make her human. Her fae nature was part of who she was, a part she had finally made peace with while preparing for her Dawning, and she didn't think she wanted to give it up even if becoming human would make it somewhat easier for them to be together.

"I see," Dyson said with a hint of sadness. "Well, if that's what you want, then I'm glad you've found someone who can give it to you."

He started to turn away, but Bo grabbed his hand. "Wait! The thing is, I don't know if I do want normal anymore. I mean, if I did, I could have that now with the serum, but I've never asked Lauren for it. I'm not sure that'd solve all our problems anyway, since there'd still be the issues with us not liking the same things and her not trusting me enough to share important stuff with me until I've already found out about it some other way. An hour ago I would've gone back to her anyway, because slipping back into the same old pattern is easier than admitting that what you've been doing isn't working and maybe you don't want the same things out of life that you used to, but after everything that's happened tonight I've done a lot of soul-searching and realized maybe it's time for a change. Maybe it's time to stop trying to force something that just wasn't meant to be and ignoring what's been right under my nose all along. Like the oracles said, you've always been there for me even when we weren't together and I've taken you for granted-"

"Bo," Dyson interrupted, "enough talking for one night." Then he kissed her. Even after all this time, his kiss still felt like Fourth of July fireworks in her mouth, like the kiss that had brought her back when the portal to hell opened and the dark energy she'd absorbed from the army of revenants started to consume her...it felt like coming home.

"Is it okay if I stay here? I don't feel like making the drive back to the Clubhouse; it's been such a crazy night that all I want to do is sleep."

"Do you mind taking the couch? Unless you'd rather wake Alicia up..."

Bo groaned. "No, we should let her sleep, but we're reclaiming your bed tomorrow - when I might have the energy to use it for something more than sleeping."

Dyson showed his approval of that idea with a grin that revealed more than a hint of his feral side as he took her hand and led her inside; he could hold off for one more day, but after waiting so long, his wolf was definitely eager to claim its mate at last. Bo smiled back, her eyes briefly turning blue despite her current worn-out state. It might have taken a ridiculously long time, a lot of mistakes on both sides, and a trio of oracles for them to find their way back to each other, but they were both very glad it had happened...even if they were about to spend their first night as an officially reunited couple on a lumpy old couch.

 **And that's it for this story. My computer's back now, so it's time for me to get back to work on my other projects.**


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